| I never never ever ever update my freaking journal |
[Aug. 7th, 2002|10:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the sounds of Megan shuffling paper | ] |
Why you ask? I have nothing to say lately, or too much?? Well I've spent the past 2 weeks having fucked up dream after fucked up dream. The one that started it all was so scary I didn't sleep in my room for 2 nights. Very kindergarten of me, but it really freaked my shit out. I mean the dream started in my room, and I ended up being stabbed, and woke up in pain, its hard to explain what was so freaky about it. It was very dark...anyway, so every night since I've had weird dreams, One day Alex and JTH were cuddling on a floor at a club, the next Brad Pitt was talking to the devil and I was being lectured by a man with half an arm wearing rubber gloves..weird stuff like that.
But aside from that, things have been good. I got to co-star in my very own Seinfeld episode yesterday, which was thrilling...people who cut lines are truly evil and need to be kicked within an inch of their lives. Go see Good Girl with Mrs Pitt..though I probably could have waited to rent that one, and you probably could too, its not like it needs to be seen on a big screen, and really she has plenty of money so don't feel like you need to line her pockets, so yeah, wait til video/dvd. But it was really good, whats his face...DOnnie Darko was brill as usual.
I skipped my shrink appt. on Monday, I had nothing to say and didn't want to waste my money, I still have to pay for the missed session (48 hr notice doesn't leave much room for spontaneity) but whatever, I'm cutting back to twice a month anyway, I don't need to talk about my self once a week, its silly.
B. and I had a viewing of Annie Hall on Sunday..she was back in town, after a brief, but long absence...is that possible? anyway, she'd never seen it, I swear I'm giving her a list of movies to rent, its just crazy. Anyway, she loved it of course, I mean its so freaking funny, and clever, its one of the best movies ever and its been incredibly influential, in terms of writing style and camera angles. Love it. So we're watching Hannah and her Sisters, to further her education, I wanted to get Crimes and Misdemeanors, but that has a bit more drama in it, and deals with morality, but there's a long wait for it, so maybe we'll venture to Blockbuster for it..
Ok, I am really looking forward to leaving LA, I will miss everyone here, especially Miss C. but really I can't even look at it anymore. I'm ready for the next chapter. My shrink thinks I have this overwhelming need for constant change, and he thinks its mainly because I don't challenge my brain enough, which is very very true. I dont feel stimulated at all, and its wearing me down. Its partly my own fault too. But whatever, its ime to go, turn the page.
And to further show how incredibly cerebral I am, I will mention quickly that Mr. Greenwald is still very very hot, though he looked a bit haggard when we saw them perform last week. The Troubadour is the suckiest venue, and sound is awful and the air conditioning was broke. But they do let you into the VIP room if you ask real nice apparently. I had a good time anyway, I went with C (thanks!!) and Jen and I enjoyed their company. I plan to go to Detroit to see them with B. and see her new digs and meet her new boy toy, I mean her new former model friend, and all his friends, and maybe have some good Mediterranean:)
I'm sure I have lots more to say...Oh, I went to the stupid office bullshit offsite, where we're all supposed to bond and be a happy family. Playing mock-survivor in the freaking sun is not my idea of bonding, and it only made me hate everyone more. Spoiled, little overly-competetive, my parents pushed me to hard to succeed, twits..all of them. But I did bond more with Megan and Porter and even our token "cool-consultant that we don't hate" Jason. We talked alot, we discussed religion..which was cool, because we all came from similar backgrounds--all raised in a slight-to very religious environment, but do not believe in organized religion now and are pretty much agnostic. We all pretty much felt it was really important to respect everyone's beliefs, and people aren't CHristian because they don't think, I mean whatever works for you as long as it comes from a place of good. I mean who cares? I won't go to church, but it doesn't mean those who do are all narrow-minded, brain donors. But anyway it was nice, I had a good time. We avoided the raging drunks playing quarters and managed to make our time there our own.
Ok, my fingers hurt..so I'll end here:) |
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| I found this poet |
[Aug. 6th, 2002|12:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Graham Coxon, something or other | ] |
on a recent trip (from hell) to Newport Beach....
Saturn
By Sharon Olds
He lay on the couch night after night,
mouth open, the darkness of the room
filling his mouth, and no one knew
my father was eating his children. He seemed to
rest so quietly, vast body
inert on the sofa, big hand
fallen away from the glass.
What could be more passive than a man
passed out every night – and yet as he lay
on his back, snoring, our lives slowly
disappeared down the hole of his life.
My brother’s arm went in up to the shoulder
and he bit it off, and sucked at the wound
as one sucks at the sockets of lobster. He took
my brother’s head between his lips
and snapped it like a cherry off the stem. You would have seen
only a large, handsome man
heavily sleeping, unconscious. And yet
somewhere in his head his soil-colored eyes
were open, the circles of the whites glittering
as he crunched on the torso of his child between his jaws,
crushed the bones like the soft shells of crabs
and the delicacies of the genitals
rolled back along his tongue. In the nerves of his gums and
bowels he knew what he was doing and he could not
stop himself, like orgasm, his
boy’s feet crackling like two raw fish
between his teeth. This is what he wanted,
to take that life into his mouth
and show what a man could do – show his son
what a man’s life was.
The Solution
Finally they got the Singles problem under
control, they made it scientific. They opened huge
Sex Centers-you could simply go and state what you
want and they would find you someone who wanted that
too. You would stand under a sign saying I Like to
Be Touched and Held and when someone came and
stood under the sign saying I Like to Touch and
Hold they would send the two of you off
together.
At first it went great. A steady stream of
people under the sign I Like to Give Pain
paired up with a steady stream of people from under
I Like to Receive Pain. Foreplay Only-No
Orgasm found its adherents, and Orgasm Only-No
Foreplay matched up its believers. A loyal
Berkeley, California, policeman stood under the sign
Married Adults, Lights Out, Face to Face, Under a
Sheet, because that's the only way it was legal in
Berkeley-but he stood there a long time in his lonely
blue law coat. And the man under I Like to Be Sung
to White Bread Is Kneaded on My Stomach had been
there weeks without a reply.
Things began to get strange. The Love
Only-No Sex was doing fine; the Sex Only-No
Love was doing well, pair after pair walking out
together like wooden animals off a child's ark, but
the line for 38D or Bigger was getting unruly,
shouting insults at the line for 8 Inches or
Longer, and odd isolated signs were springing up
everywhere, Retired Schoolteacher and Parakeet-No
Leather; One Rm/No Bath/View of Sausage Factory.
The din rose in the vast room. The line
under I Want to Be Fucked Senseless was so long
that portable toilets had to be added and a minister
brought for deaths, births, and marriages on the
line. Over under I Want to Fuck Senseless-no
one, a pile of guns. A hollow roaring filled the
enormous gym. More and more people began to move over
to Want to Be Fucked Senseless. The line snaked
around the gym, the stadium, the whole town, out into
the fields. More and more people joined it, until
Fucked Senseless stretched across the nation in
a huge wide belt like the Milky Way, and since they
had to name it they named it, they called it the
American Way. |
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| Bonjour mon ami's |
[Jul. 22nd, 2002|08:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the soothing sounds of HGTV | ] |
Ok, I guess its gonna be a weekly thing. I went shit wild at Ikea this weekend. I rented this ghetto of a car with a dent in the back, but they were the only place in the area that wasn't completely out of cars, so I dealt. The "check engine" light was on the whole time, but um, I ignored it. I drove ok, the first 15 minutes or so I was just trying to control the peice of shit car, but I eventually got the hang of it. B thinks I'm an awful driver, and I will never subject to my driving again as long as we know each other, and she's probably right, but I didn't hit anyone, so I guess I did ok.
I know it makes little sense for me to suddenly furnish my apartment after living here for a year when I plan on being here for, at the most, 5 or 6 months, but I needed to do it. I was tired of looking at drab linoleum. Its very colorful, and I gave up trying to do it all right, and just figured out what I could afford and did the best I could. I stayed within budget and I have to say I like it. I just need chairs now and I can have a dinner party. my one and only in this apartment.
I may not be able to go to London as easily as I had planned. It doesnt bother me. London isn't going anywhere and things will happen as they should. I'll do all I can and thats all I can do, but I think patience is very important right now.
I've felt like I've been pulling away from everyone lately. I dont know if I have or not. Well I know I have. But its because being ill feels very isolating. Its a little embarassing, and you just have to find a way to not get to upset by it. Holding a conversation is tiring, and I know thats really hard to explain to someone, but its true. I'm just starting to feel better, but really, I know its going to happen again, and that knowledge is just a little frustrating realizing that I'll probably never feel completely well again. But I am still grateful for the ability to function properly. My brain is slowly finding its way back to me. I do know the reason I appear flaky most of the time is because I just can't concentrate well, and thats ok, most things aren't worth my concentration:)
I feel like things are changing really quickly and I don't feel the same about anything anymore. I guess because I am moving away from LA in mind before body. There are so many better cities out there, with nicer more together people. I'm indifferent to it all now, which means, time to go.
I watched the Royal Tenenbaums this morning. My god I love that movie,its just so facinating to watch, and there isn't one word of dialogue you can throw away. And its like watching pictures that talk, its gorgeous. Or paintings maybe? I don't know but I purchased it instead of Amelie, which I love. the soundtrack is brilliant as well.
N. told me Road to Perdition was good, and I trust her opinion so I'll see it. She's one of 3 people I completely trust. And thats pretty amazing as we've never met. I want to call her again, it was nice talking to her. She's like a non-stop motor, its lovely.
I went back to shrink today. I hadn't been in a month. I decided I needed a break as I didn't feel like talking. It was good, he's a nice man. I walked there from work because it was so nice out today. The sky looks like a fucking postcard, and the breeze was perfect.
I went and saw Megan's movie last week. She was really good, and you could see at what point she got into her role. I forgot it was her eventually, except once in a while a little movement would take me out of it because I'd see her do whatever it was so many times. Its weird watching someone you know on screen. Seeing J. onscreen doesn't count, because I knew him first as a figment of my imagination. If you see the film "TAtoo: a love story" screening near you, go see it. There's another screening in LA on AUg 15th. at Pacific Design Center (shameless plug) www.tattoothemovie.com.
The Phantom PLanet show (ALex is fucking fucking hot!) is Wed. I've been told certain boobas are in town and may be in attendence. we shall see. I don't care to be honest --really I don't. I just want writhing, screaming, sweating man on stage to give me a good time for and hour, and its just all that I require..man he's hot.
B, if you're reading this, I hope you are having a grand tonight:)
Peace:)
IKea rocks |
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| Heylo |
[Jul. 16th, 2002|11:30 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | *silence* | ] |
Ok, I haven't updated in ages. I have no excuse, but I ran out of things to say? maybe.. Well I'm ill at the moment so its foremost on my mind. I get better, my body is feeling fine, and then it happens again. Its rather frustrating. It doesn't depress me, because I could be worse, I could be much worse, I still have a life, and I can mostly do what I want. I had a shitty weekend. I really wanted to go to the French Festival in Santa Barbara, and I knew Friday night I probably wouldn't be able to..but I wished and hoped things would be ok in the morning, and try as I might, it just wasn't going to happen. And by Sunday morning, I couldn't even go to the store without walking very slowly after resting most of the morning. I made it to work on Monday, and its going ok. I feel like I'm in a fog most of the time, and my chest aches and aches and breathing is a chore, so is thinking, and trying to concentrate. So there is not enough blood flowing through my body at the moment to make things work properly..so I'm a bit retarded at the moment:) I was told I have Hemoglobin H disease, and it essentially a birth defect, so its not going away apparently....we shall see...but the good thing is I have boughts of feeling very nearly fine and I should be ok to bounce around by the time I see Phantom Planet next week (THANK YOU C!).
Anyway....
C let go and has fallen back again, and she says its good, so I believe her.
B is learning to live life Plymouth style, so brill for her:)
Oh have you heard about Operation TIPS? if you don't know it go here:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A63924-2002Jul12.html
Its sick, and stupid, and people better not ignore it. It just cannot happen.
Oh I told B I was going to be a best selling author, lol. I do want to be a writer, I always have. I don't know if I'm any good, but I think I can get good. So I'll be starting soon, because a best selling author makes her own time and can live where ever she likes. And at least there'll be one book I want to read.
Ok...and Benecio Del Toro is now my 2nd fave actor, B, I have seen the light:)
Alex is still fucking hot, and T.H is still adorable, it not ever so slightly stupid:)
Have a grand day |
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| welcome to the land of fuck all |
[Jul. 1st, 2002|09:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bjork- Debut | ] |
I don't mean that in a bad way. I just did "fuck all" this weekend, well actually I talked on the phone with my friend Star for like..8 hrs yesterday and about the same amount the day before. What do we have to talk about? God only knows, we've been having phone call marathons since we were 14. Did I mention I have unlimited long distance? lol, thank good ness, we were simply celebrating that. MCI would not be pleased I bet. I think the longest we ever talked on the phone was this time when we were 16 or 17 I can't remember and she called me at 8:30am and we got off the phone at 2am. My mother is still baffled to this day.
I'm sitting here listening to Bjork's first album "Debut" I have forgotten how brilliant it is. I listened to it for the first time in years literally when B and JFK sat in my living room Thursday night. I didn't want to disturb them, and Star had just called. But its wondeful, nice to rediscover it.
I was thinking about not going back to my shrink. I will, but I'm at that point where I don't think its helping. I mean I'm a pretty logical person. I know everything he tells me and what I should do about it, but the point is, I don't do anything about it, and why is that? No answers there. So...whats the point? I think I'll ask him, if I like his answer, then I will continue on, if not, I'll find some other way to work it out. BUt I do not want to move to London out of sorts.
I keep looking at the lovely days we have in LA, and the cheap (er) rent and wonder why I can't seem to like it here. Maybe because its dull dull and dull again. I will be the first to say there is nothing exciting about seeing a celebrity at Bristol Farms unless its Brad Pitt and he's naked by the butcher counter. OK is is exciting for about 5 mins, then you usually forget it even happened within an hour. Maybe there's just too freaking many of them, and they are held in the highest esteem here. And most of us know, that honestly most celebs don't deserve that honor. Maybe 4 do, but thats it.
I will miss the music scene, ok I will miss Phantom Planet:) I love seeing them at the Roxy, but they haven't been around of late either.
You know what I hate? Kitchen activity in the morning at work. Why can't you just make your toast and get your tea without having to answer questions at 8am from people you normally wouldn't even associate with in normal life. Because they don't live in normal life, they live in some alternative smile smile and shake hands universe. Blech. I know you don't want to really know how my weekend was so why ask? Just say hello and get your disgusting coffee and leave me be. And I am not bitter, I swear:)
I am a little worried about B and C. Both are having rough time but for different reasons. My gut tells me both will be ok. B just needs to be home more and not trapped in basement hell:) But thank goodness for cars and iPods, correct? C, well, she'll be ok, I need to call her. I have this annoying habit of not wanting to disturb people, but I should have called yesterday to check up, and now she's not online and I'm worried.
Other than that life is fine and as usual. I need to start begging for extra work so I can afford the lifestyle I wish I had and start saving for London.
I think I'll attempt to write something fictional now. ta. |
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| Wine is good |
[Jun. 24th, 2002|07:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ewan McGregor's voice. | ] |
Here I sit next to Barb, drinking wine, watching coffee brew in a french press, and watching Ewan McGregor fuck drunkenly under the guise of being James Joyce. Yes my friends, wine is good, god bless the french:) Well today was weird, started off weird. Welcome to the morning said the assholes at Thrify Rent a Car, excuse us while we completely fuck you over, bend over please. You'll be late for work? Do I give a fuck? why no, of course not, excuse me while I show up 40 minutes late. Don;t ever rent from Thrifty. Not only do they lie and say they open at 8am, they also lie when they say the driver will be here in 10 mins to take you home. So when did I get to work? 10 am thnk you. *sigh* God forbid there be good service in LA. The whole place would whither and die if that happened.
I went to my shrink today despite the fact I didn't really want to because I was really tired. And I should have gone home. I was bored, he was bored, I had nothing to say. All I wanted was dinner and a cookie.
Ewan is being really mean as James Joyce. He needs to take a xanax and chill.
I went to see Minority report with P. (male P--female P still hasn't emailed me back). We saw it at the aclaimed Cinaramadome in Hollywood. That means the screen is really big, that also apparentlymeans they can charge $14 a ticket. But fortuntely they give pocket books a break and drop the price to $11 on Sunday evenings. Nice to know. Anyway, the film wasn't horrible, and Tom Cruise was only marginally annoying. I should have known Mr. Speilberg would never let anyone steal his thunder, not even Tom scientology-I-suddenly-decided-I-need-braces- Cruise. So if you were thinking about it, go see it, just ignore the end. Oh and in the future, apparently bang and olefson headphones (retail $150) can also be used as cell phones. Clever:)
It was good to see P. He's well and shimmying to Kylie Minogue as usual.
Can I just say I cannot wait to get to London? Its calling my name. I will miss the insane amount of TV we have here. and good pizza and burgers, though I guess I can make a decent burger, and maybe I can learn to make pizza too. But when you're hanging out with Damon Albarn (of Blur fame) who cares about sucky pizza. Did I tell you B and I plan to become bast buds with Blur? Cool eh? Well I don't know, maybe my befriending popstars days are over. Not a bad thing really.
Ok, my coffee is ready, and I have lots more to say, but the coffee smells to good to continue.
Oh yes, Alex Greenwald is fucking hot. |
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| bonjour |
[Jun. 19th, 2002|10:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Nick Drake-Pink Moon (U2 sucked ass) | ] |
I'm mostly updating because B needs something to read, so here ya go:) I'm bored again, so what else is new. Nothing too earth shattering happened this week. B is back in town. She's dividing her time between me and JFK, which is an ideal situation. I'm dead tired..I've gotten at the most 5 hrs sleep over the past week and a half, mainly due to a certain fuzzy creature that may find himself turned into lovely ear muffs if he keeps it up. The couch is comfortable, and should be s pleasant night's sleep, but noooo...*sigh* I thnk I turned on the TV in the middle of the night, I woke up convinced that there was a ghost in my livingroom, lol. I don't really remember it, but I think I was half dreaming. Did I tell you 3 of my friends have significant others now? All in like the same week, very strange I think. But good for them:) I'm listneing to U2 now, to see whats so fucking great about this album, my conclusion? Nothing. They are living on vapors of the past. They were a great band once, a long time ago in a decade far away. But alas, Bono's head is so big now I guess there's no room left for a good idea.
Taylor Hanson got married last week. Bizarre no? MMMbop got married. Do you feel old now? Well don't, cos he's still only 19. I guess being confused about your sexuality makes you do weird things.
Ok, time to turn this shite off..great album indeed.
I really think I'll be in London next year. It just feels right. I've wanted to move there ever since I went 18 months ago. I felt incredibly comfortable there the first moment I stepped on the pavement. The place just makes sense. Well ok it doesn't. The wages are laughable and the rent is outrageous, and despite all the good music coming out of the U.K, they still choose to elevate people like Robbie Williams, Kylie Minogue and who every won Pop Idol to legendary status, its much worse than here. And The Strokes are headlining over Pulp at the Reading Festival this year, now thats criminal. The Strokes are a mediocre band at best, and Pulp is fucking brilliant, but there's no accounting for taste I guess.
I can't seem to eat more than cookies lately, its like all I want. Real food does not appeal to me, I guess because all I want are delicious gourmet meals, and you can't eat those everyday, so I choose chocolate chip cookies.
Ok I really didn't have anything to say did I? See what happens when you force it B?
I will conclude by saying ALex is fucking hot:) |
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| All Alone I sit looking out of the window... |
[Jun. 13th, 2002|12:02 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Phantom Planet- the early years | ] |
And the rain just keeps..something I can't remember. Well Megan is off doing her movie thing. God bless her but that means 7 hours alone. Which I am slowly getting used to. I hated my job yesterday. I'd hate it today if I were busy, but I'm not, so since I'm not actually doing my job, I don't hate it, make sense?
I'm going to dinner with C tonight, which is way cool, so we can catch up and I can hear all about her new boy. We're going to Pace:) yummmm, love that place. Maybe we'll see Shaun Cassidy my first love like Peter did:) You know I just had a thought, just because you talk about something doesn't mean you care about it a lot. I talk about H-band tons, and I don't really care, not really. I don't care about JTH knocking up his teenage lady. Other people are really upset and it is sad for him, but I mean geeeez, its not you, no one you know, so stop it. But I guess I would have cared when I was 15 or 20 if stupid head got married, I guess I would have been crushed. He didn't do that until I was 22, so I didn't care much. Anyway I find it all very entertaining, so I talk about it.
I'm still feeling pretty good. I got really angry at S. last night, really angry. When I get mad I just don't say anything, get really quiet. I don't yell. I probably should but I don't. She was being all bitchy on the phone and I had no idea why, so I asked why she was being so belligerant (sp?) and she hung up on me! So I put the phone down, went and did some stuff on my computer and had no intention of calling her back...ever. But after about 20 mins, I decided to call her because I know I did want to talk to her again in life, and if I had waited to call until the weekend or something, it would have been a bigger deal than it needed to be. I've known her since we were 14, and I love her dearly, so I stuffed my anger and called. I did tell her she was mean and that was stupid what she did. She didn't apologize though, she never does...well she kinda of does but in her own way..anyway all is forgiven. She was angry at something and decided to take it out on me...oh wellwhat are friends for?
I hate fat bus drivers, they always put the air conditioner on and I freeze my ass off
Oh Alex Greenwald (what a name) is still fucking hot in case you were wondering.
B. comes back tomorrow. So that'll be cool:) She's still injured but it'll be good having her around:) maybe if she can stand it, we can go to the movies and see About A Boy together. I want to see CQ as well.
I just finished making a Phantom P CD for N. She's such a good girl, and we get on brilliantly. We talked about the fact that we've never spoken on the phone..weird huh? I've known her for a year and I have no idea what she sounds like. So I said I'd ring her when my Neighborhood plan goes in. Unlimited long distance woohoo!
Anyway, its lunch time.. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2002|11:23 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis-The Masterplan | ] |
Well, I'm bored as hell, thinking about a lot of things. and nothing at all, I do that a lot. Again Belle and Sebastian is depressing me, maybe its just because I'm still dehydrated from the weekend and am feeling quite sluggish. People get nervous when I feel sluggish, but its not a big deal, I'm used to it.. So generally I feel pretty good about things. I am definitely doing the film workshop next summer. I don't know if I'm actually capapble of making a movie, but we'll find out won't we. Can't let fear stop you. I feel like I've been in a rut these past 3 years, dying a slow death. But I've decided to kick my own ass and start doing something, anything, just to be doing. So I'll write more, whether is sucks or not, because its just a learning thing now I guess. And can I just say thank the universe for musicians? Do they realize how much joy they bring?? I mean anyone else besides Bono, who seems to think he's the second coming or whatever. but anyway..I mean its a beautiful thing. They have shit lifestyles so I stay away from them generally, but damn they can make a person feel good when they play.
I think C has a boyfriend, which is brilliant because its what she wanted. I thought I wanted one, but I really don't, and I'm damn tired of thinking thats adnormal or people telling me it is. People want different things, for whatever reason. So fuck it and on I move, I want a career I love and can be proud of, you know a "lifes work" of some kind, fuck all that other stuff for the time being, because I know better than anyone, another person will not be enough to make my life complete, I need to be doing something for myself, damn independent person that I am. Seeing new places makes me happy, so I can't wait to go back to Napa,. just because I've never been. Its cool seeing whats out there. I don't quite understand people who don't like to see new things, but like I said, we all need different things.
Oasis is keeping me company at the moment..there's a good example of the stage not transcending to life, would you want anything to do with a Gallagher brother? hell no! but thankfully they play once in a while and record it for us.
I'm starting to enjoy my solitude here at work in the mornings, well maybe enjoy is a strong word, but I am learning to make use of it. "sitting on my own, chewing on a bone.." love that song..its "Talk Tonight" Oasis of course. Thank you B for bringing good music back into my life, I was in a rut.
P hasn't emailed me back about picking up the Strokes Cd. Maybe she's mad I didn't invite her to SF? Who knows, I don't really care to be honest., I'm not a mind reader and I'm all done with guessing games. She's cool sometimes, but its not something you can really count on, so why bother right? But I'm a nice person sometimes, so yeah, we can breakfast or dinner or whatever together, why not? Even seeing a movie is cool. I think I'll see CQ tonight after work, speaking of movies. I feel like going alone though, I haven't seen a movie alone in a long time. For a while its the only way I would see a movie. It took a while for me to get used to seeing movies with people..well I always saw 'blockbusters' or fun movies with others, but not movies I really wanted to watch. Being social is good.
Well time to start thinking about lunch options I guess.
Oh yeah, I will end this by saying condoms are your friend and being 18 or 19, married and having a baby, is a good way to break your spirit.
Subway sounds good.....
Current obsession: Phantom Planet live
Current favorite non-friend person: Taylor Hanson, Alex Greenwald, and Jeff from the park |
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| PHANTOM PLANET FUCKING ROCK!!! |
[Jun. 10th, 2002|02:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blur-Best of (Mine) | ] |
OK, can I just say, that they are the most amazing band to see live?? Have you seen them yet? Why the hell not!? Oh and can I say that Alex is fucking amazingly hot, and oh yeah, he's really fucking hot too as well as super fucking hot?? Ok...calm down...but damn...Oh and can I just give a shout out to my sister in life Barb who regrettably could not be with us this weekend. Next time dear I promise!
Anyway, we drove 5 1/2 hours to SF for the weekend for the momentous event. It was worth every mile and every drop of gas. The hotel was lovely, as Hiltons go. It was just me and the teenangels hitting San Fran and it was fun. We scoped out the park the day before and good idea too because that place is HUGE and woodsy. So once we found it, several hours later, we needed to get back out. I asked this very friendly looking man (Hey Jeff!) how the hell do we get out of this jungle. So he's all hippy and good, toured with the Dead and all that, so he of course says he'll give us a ride as long as we don't mind the parrot:)
So after that we headed for mr. Coppola's restaurant at the edge of China Town in the Zoetrope studio building (incidentaly the oldest building in SF). YUmmmay pizza and no cheese! yay!
The next day was spent almost entirely in the park. We arrived at 9am for the pancake breakfast and to get good spots..its been ages since I've been concerned with getting good spots. But the concert started at 11, and Phantom came on at noon. They did a soundcheck around 10 and because we were there just hanging out they asked what we wanted to hear because you know they thought it was stupid to have to hear the same song twice. So we picked Anthem because they never ever play it live. And they said they'd be rusty, but they did it, it was brilliant:)
Then the real show happened. I can't remember what the hell they started with, but everything off their album has about 5 guitars added to it, much more rocking out, no keyboards or any of that nancy shit. Just guitars, drums, and more guitars. and somehow between all that and Alex's screaming and falling, they manage to keep it melodic.
I love the way they bump into each other, Alex will body slam someone with no warning, they fall they sweat they trip, they're all over the place. Alex is energy to its fullest. When he kicked the microphone over, he jumpled down off the stage and sang in the mike dangling over the edge. Screaming away while girls groped him, he seemed to love it. Of course he climbed the stage scaffolding, he had to, even though security and the tour manager implored him not to.
So the show ended with him singing like he would bust a gut and jumping off the stage where he disapeared into the back giving a final wave, leaving his bandmates to it.. BRILLIANT
AND they said they loved the audience so much they want to meet EVERYONE. and for 2 hrs solid they did. Our friend Jeff hooked us up nicely and allowed to wait and be last. All 4 of us went up together to chat, I handed Alex a banana and he promptly stuck it down his pants affecting a rather large erection, lol..Sam came over and rubbed it saying they "were touring together" and gave me a knowing look...I love it.
So once we did that we were happy, hungry and tired, and shortly afterwards we hit the 101 back home.
So I'm very tired right now, and to top it off there was an unexpected event, that I'm not sure how I feel about..shocked mostly....
Well I had a blast, thanks for listening |
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| Allo |
[Jun. 7th, 2002|11:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The Strokes-Is this it | ] |
Hey, I'm trying to be good about updating, but its not working:) All my love goes out to poor poor Barb, who smashed up her shoulder pretty amazingly practising the fine art of Aikido. We are hoping she can go to Glastonbury, if there is any justice in the world, she will.
Can I just say it sucks being logical? Well it doesn't, but honestly sometimes it does. Or maybe I should just learnt to keep my mouth shut? When sometimes tells me something, I immediately go to the most logical answer, I can't help it I swear, sometimes people get pissed..like 5 minutes ago, lol. But I am right and they know it, I don't need to be right, I just am, lol. Anyway..I had a great talk with my shrink yesterday, Ok only like 2 of my, well 3 of my closest friends (and anyone reading this journal) know I see a shrink. I don't tell people because usually they'll think there is something seriously wrong with me; there isn't. Its just hard to sort things out in your own head all the time, and I have some big decisions to make, I just want to be sure my choices are for the right reasons. I don't usually discuss my problems with people, its simply not in my nature, so paying someone to sit there and listen helps:) But we decided that my ambitions are higher than I like to admit, and I need to do something about that. Makes sense.
I just finished making a lovely hanson/phantom p./rooney mix cd for the long drive to SF this weekend. I think, despite the longer length of time, we should take the 101, its simply a nicer drive. I keep thinking back on that hellish stretch of literally nothing across the California desert on the way back from Michigan. It was hot as hell, and just ugh...so I'm thinking the 101 looks like a good idea:). I am looking forward to SF. Kelly is a sweet girl and I'm glad Candace started talking to her and her mother at Jay Leno 2 years ago, thankfully we all kept in touch. Candace hasn't been going to many shows lately, so I ended up talking to Kelly more. She always asks about Candace, which is so sweet:) We're taking her mustang, so it should be fun. Orginally 5 people has dwindled to 3, which is fine, one room, no rental car and less money for all, not bad. I do wish Barb was coming, I somehow don't think I'll be able to sample any fine cuisine with Kelly and Sam. But Barb and I plan to go back to Napa..hopefully she can. I guess I can always go on my own, but eating in restaurants alone is tricky, there always has to be a book or something involved to keep you from staring at everyone.
Its dead in the office again...what else is new. I'm leaving in about an hour, might as well, I have still more cleaning and some laundry to do before Kelly comes. We'll try and do something fun tonight, I know she doesn't get to hang in LA very much.
Anyway I guess I'll make another CD for the trip, can't hurt. |
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| Bored bored boring |
[Jun. 4th, 2002|03:28 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Blur-13 | ] |
Well here I sit, hour number 7 completely alone. *sigh* This job has gone downhill very very fast. Don't you love downsizing? There are only 3 people working here to cover 15 hrs..and two are off today, what does that leave? ME! sitting here with fuck all to do listening to Belle and fucking Sebastian. They can be quite depressing,like right now I want to stick a giant daisy up their asses..think I'll switch to BLur..ahh..much better:)
I'm not comptemplating much today. My hair is in two braids so I feel very youthful and girly. I had a shit weekend, there were good parts. Seeing a movie with Mr. P was one. But I was sooo restlesss all day Sunday and I had nothing to do not wanting to spend any money. So I was confined to my apt. I wanted to go hiking, but my piece of shit body won't let me do things like that anymore. I do pride myself on not eating tons, which is what I do when I'm bored. So of course I watched HGTV , the FOod network and Style most of the day, wondering why I never bothered to furnish my apt. I love decorating and yet my apt looks like I just moved in and borrowed everything. I guess its because I was in denial about living here, everytime I went to buy something I just thought, well I'm not carting that out of here, so why bother...indeed, I don't really care, I have a TV and DVD and I computer, what else do you need really?
I am looking forward to SF this weekend. Should be fun:) Me and Barb and the teenangels, lol. It will be an education if nothing else.
I'm looking at Titanium laptops wondering why I don't make shitloads more money. I need to, this is getting silly. Being poor sucks ass. Who feels like lugging a desktop across the country? Not I. And the IBook is only a G3, I didn;tknow that. SO thats out *sigh*...may the gods bestow good fortune on me..I need a new computer, lol.
Oh and why on earth is it soo fucking hard to get a work permit in London/UK??? I'll be a model citizen and work hard, I would never take a "liquid lunch" I promise I swear just let me in! ..well all is not lost, I just found out we have a sister company there..fingers crossed everyone!
OK, I need to get the hell out of here. Peace out.
M. |
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| I hate my computer |
[Jun. 1st, 2002|09:21 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | The dialogue of the Deniro-Pacino movie Heat | ] |
Right in the middle of a lengthy entry and my computer craps out on me, won't be long before I have a new one.
Anyway, I went to see Rooney last night at the advice of a very wise person (major props to Nat, may all your friends know how brilliant you are one day) and it was fun. I actually went to the venue to talk to someone and ended up staying, its not far from my house. I went to talk to Kelly about SF next week, her ride ditched her and wanted to know if she could ride with us. Its turnig into quite the caravan, should be fun though. I probably won't see them again, they are basically my Phantom Planet substitute. The show was good and the two opening bands were bareable. I left as soon as ROoney was over, as did most people, I felt sorry for the remaining bands. They were obviously pretty tired, I mean they're still kids so things like that still show. Maybe Robert (lead singer) had a cold or something, he looked a bit haggard and wasn't his usual chipper self. There's this chick that always gets to sing one song with them, Popstar, I guess she jumped onstage with them at some show somewhere and its since become a tradition, he didn't invite her up last night, which was good..it was getting a little old.
Oh celebs in attendence: An Olsen twin, I have no idea which one, Rebecca Romajn Stamos, or however you spell it, and Elvis Costello, I was particulary happy about the last one, not sure why, but he's practically a legend, so it was cool:)
I was much more chipper until my computer crapped out, lol.
YOu know who the meanest people can be? Uber geeks, and I don't mean people with geek tendencies, most intelligent people have one or two, I certainly do. But like anti-social, can't cope in normal society uber geeks, they can be very mean,and disfunctional, I'd go into it, but I don't feel like it:)
I was reading this wonderful article N sent, and interview with Daniel Johns from Silverchair, I need to mail her about it as soon as I get my computer back up. He's a very cool guy, very open. I know celebrities like to keep their privacy, but if you tell the story, you control how it presented and things don't get out of hand. Everyone appreciates upfrontness and honesty. He has this condition, reactive arthritis(I think) its very nasty, he can only walk with a cane, he's about to go on tour for fuck sake, poor guy. HAs had a really rough time of it, but he seems very smart about it. Like I imagine he still has issues, but he's trying. I related to some of the things he said, well on a less extreme level, but just about the confusion, and your perception being deceptive. I do hope I get to see them live at some point.
I'm trying to have an easy weekend. Maybe see a movie with Peter later, my own personal Emmet from QUeer As FOlk. I owe him a SMith CD, lol. I've decided to do as many things as possible on my own. I mean not on purpose, but I won't not do something or go somewhere if someone won't go with me. Its just silly, you waste so much time. I'm also thinking about taking an intensive film workshop, its a 4 or 6 week program. Its offered in NY, London and Paris..still deciding on where I'll do it, London or Paris I'm thinking.
I'm starting to ramble...oh I'm still impressed with Damon Albarn, and Ewan McGregor, I watched some of Velvet GOldmine last night, him dancing around with his willy flapping is priceless. Right ok, off to do laundry. |
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| I guess its not easy being green |
[May. 29th, 2002|09:48 am] |
| You are Kermit!
Though you're technically the star, you're pretty mellow and don't mind letting others share the spotlight. You are also something of a dreamer. | |
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| Lets try this again shall we? |
[May. 29th, 2002|08:50 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Badly Drawn Boy-About a Boy soundtrack | ] |
Ok, I had a brilliant rant yesterday about the injustice of the entire universe than conspired to take my beautiful lovely BRAND NEW cd player away from me. Granted I'm an idiot, but still, if people were honest,itd be here with me now. But alas people are not, so here I sit trying to figure out a way to afford replacing it. EBaY? *sigh* not fair, so not fair. I'm not nearly as angry or upset as yesterday, so this rant is lame. Obviously livejournal found my rant to disdainful and opted not to post it. maybe it was for the best.
My complete shit day ended on a good note. I went to dinner at my ex-boss's home. Her husband, a lovely french man named, what else? Jacques, is the most amazing cook. We had pork roast with carmalized onions and baked apples..sounds not appetizing? Let me assure you it was. He instructed us to take a bit of pork, onion and a bit of baked (well they were steamed actually with sugar I later discovered) apple in one bite, and surprise surprise it was delish! I never eat pork, ever, but I will try to re-create this wonderfulness one day. I the gracious guest brought yummy rustic french bread and lovely butter from normandy that I knew they'd be craving having just gotten back from France, they were very thrilled:) I also got some brownie cookies at Bristol..yummm!..which he served with the banana foster..I think its that, bananas flambayed in rum..so yay again. And more importantly the conversation was really nice. I miss that, non-superficial conversation, everyone talking about their travels and just being generally pleasant. Recently laid-off friend Steve and his wife came too. They are the funniest couple, they've been together for ages.
I'm sitting here now listening to Badly Drawn Boy--About a Boy soundtrack. Looove that movie, I can't wait for Barb to get back so we can see it again. Thats about it for now. |
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| Oh yeah, I almost forgot.... |
[May. 23rd, 2002|11:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Still Lauren Hill | ] |
I'm a fucking idiot. I left my precious iRiver CD player in B's rental car. So here's hoping some nice people (or not nice) don't walk off with it. I'd seriously hate to have to spend the $200...anyway, sucks sucks. but such is life. What a way to wake up this morning.. |
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| Trying to re-live your childhood is wrong |
[May. 23rd, 2002|11:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lauren Hill | ] |
Isn't it a bitch when you get older, look back on your youth and say what the fuck? It sucks when we're wiser and know what should have happened. Sometimes an opportunity will arise that allows us to go back and get some of it right. Very tempting I know. very...but its not the same, and you end up cheating your current age, which is never bad, I mean getting older is being alive and that can never be a bad thing. I'm sitting here contemplating whether or not to see a band play, simply decision, not a big deal. But I don't love the band, I love the people and the situation--being surrounded by youth, by people who don't know how old I am. I am not a teenager, I did that already, and it wasn't brilliant, but now that I think about it, it wasn't bad either. So I;ve decided to skip the show. There are new bands and new music that make me feel happy I have decided to stay firmly planted in this year and this time, and make me happy that there are people now that have something to say.
I'm going to SF with B soon to hear Phantom Planet. If you don't know them, get to know them. They are such good people, so healthy and so know what they are doing, thats its a relief. Oh and the music is brilliant..well brilliant in a fun way too. So go get The Guest, it won't disapoint. Oh and if you can, see these guys live, thats were the real shit happens. They have such a joyful, I don't give a fuck attitude onstage, its contagious, and I don't mean apathy. Its like they're young, having a great time, and they don't give a shit how stupid it looks..reminds me of Blur in the early days--or Damon anyway. There is much love on that stage:)
How is it not Friday?? I guess it will be in about 20 minutes.
I'm jsut watching Lauren Hill's MTV Unplugged. It says a lot about MTV that they were majorly hesistant to even show it. Its amazing, she's amazing, I am properly humbled. I need to go buy the MTV album tomorrow.
I'm not sure if any of this will make sense. I hope it does. Passion is a good thing, as someone told me today. Ok --very sleepy..later.
Current Favorite non-friend: Alex Greenwald
Current Favorite distraction: Star Wars/ Live journals |
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| Star Wars...nothing but Star Wars |
[May. 22nd, 2002|11:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis-The Masterplan | ] |
OK, this isn't really about Star Wars, B just bought tix online for the 4pm show at Mann's Chinese theater..fucking amazing theater, everyone must see a movie there once...so Star wars is on my mind. But I digress. Well today was a better day than yesterday, thats for certain. I woke up groggy not sad, as it should be. I even left on time and was not late for work. There was mass chaos as some hub thingy broke here at work and apparently its going to take 20 grand to replace..whatever just get my internet connection going and spare me the details. I come to you from a temporary hub. Oasis are brilliant aren't they? I've listened to Blur (my personal mix cd), Badly Drawn Boy (About a Boy soundtrack) and currently, Oasis-the Masterplan.
I did end up watching Buffy with C last night. It was pretty stupid..excuse all that love Buffy, but really..Willow a dark witch bitch from hell that was about to destroy the world, but it stopped by her best friend from kindergarten because he says he loves her??? The message--love conquers all I suppose, and maybe it does, but damn a little more creativity please.
I have little to say today. I keep thinking about the whole do I want a boyfriend or not thing, and I've come to the conclusion, that I want to want a boyfriend..make sense?
I have no desire for one, which is a bit depressing. Or not, I'll save it for the discussion with shrink man tomorrow. I may write more later, I've decided not to force the issue at the moment. Working on a short story as well... |
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